OMG.
NINE OF MY FRIENDS BOUGHT ME 'MY ESPIRIT BAG!!'
DAMN EXP LA. HOW CAN U ALL BUY FOR ME?!?
but, thanks alot.
thanks for the donuts.
thanks for the surprise.
MOST IMPORTANT,
THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING MY DAY.
:DDDDD

haha. i dont even know wad to blog nowadays. but jus wan to feel like blogging. haha weirdo. hmm, have u ever wondered.. being classmates for 5yrs, and when everyone graduates, they lose contact. ok some might still keep in touch, but its like wad??once in a mths??hmm, afterall, we have went through thick and thin for 5 yrs. seriously, i really miss 5N1. wad can i say, they are great. i miss their everytin. it seems that, we feel so comfortable in each other companionship. we dont have to feel awkward or wad. we just speak our mind. how amazing, all the relationship that we shared for 5yrs. it only need few mths to take it all away. ha. the world is that cruel. if only i got a wish, i hope all my close friends will be back wif me, AGAIN. all i want is they celebrate my birthday wif me. pls, just once.

i miss you all.
mandyrozannaavisvanafionasheenasamchuaisabelsamtanjasminedeidreadeline

wow, so amzing. haha i have so lil friends! HA! :)

hello everyone. haven being in touch wif mr blog. miss me? haha. anyway being happy nowadays cos sam and i are like talking to each other more often. we have been calling each other since, i dunno last week? only mon she started calling. even now im blogging, she's on the fone. HOPE EVERYTIN WILL STAY TIS WAY!! But, smth missing. yup, bel. i wonder wad is she busy wif nowadays. we haven hear frm each other for two days alr!! i know, u must be tinking, two days only wad. no BIG DEAL. hey, i tell u. even if i dont hear frm her for one day, ITS A BIG DEAL ALRIGHT??! hmm, hope everything is well for her. i realise nowadays i have sm weird happenings. i tink, god is changing my evilness in me. why? cos all the sudden, i talked to deidre. DEIDRE?!?! ok la. not that bad. the WORST was, i went to meet BOW today! im like still damn shocked. yup, i went to meet her. we chatted for like, 20 to 30 mins. waited for her mum to come. bought this shirt frm her. but it was for my younger sis(amazing, i cannot believe i brought smth for her!)anyway, yup talked abt sch, stuff la. and she even asked me to work for her parents' travel agency as a receptionist. er... ... ... sounds tempting. but i tink i just stick to my clinic job. I LOVE THAT JOB! :) yup told her we will meet for dinner at novena soon. she asked bel, monkey and sam to come too. hmm, and i told her ok. er... ... ... HELLO CANDICE?!?! I THOUGHT U HATE HER?!?!? hmm, see told u, god is changing the evilness in me. i hate my cross disciplinary subject! i got PUBLIC SPEAKING! like hello?!?! i cant SPEAK IN PUBLIC!??!? stupid sch. anyhow. public speakng wasnt even one of my courses. tp sucks. but nvm la. nyzah kept saying it might be a blessing in disguise. er.. .. .. u slowly dream. haha so bad. alrights, i will dream together wif u. wow, tmr i tink im going to die. im going to run the reservoir wif nyzah and wendy. HELP!!! oh man, why m i so unlucky?? why do i keep making crazy friends since young? especially my sec sch frens.. hahaha!! alrights tink im also abit lazy to blog alr. alrights shall go off now! nights! CHEEROS!

:):)

its been a while since i blog. hmm, anyway. here i am. back! hehe.. anyway.. lots of things happened this week. no actually too be exact, last week.
SAT.
quit my job at CHECK. hmm, at first wanted to tell that bitch i want to quit aft work. but dont know why. i didnt. so i went to meet bel,monkey,cala,isabelle. had fun talking abt 'things'. cala cala cala, wad can i say abt her. i dunno wad is she tinkin in her brain. talked till quite late. er.. actually, for me it wasnt that late.it was only 1145. isabelle asked me abt my first kiss. haha come to tink of it now, erm. i enjoyed it. haha but not like enjoy enjoy. i tink it was good enough for me. i can say 'wow, damn nice' for my first kiss. haha. bel almost couldnt catch the last bus. but due to, er i tink its ME. haha, we managed to. but in the end. robin and i didnt manage to catch the bus to amk. we missed the bus by 10 mins. actually wanted to board the train that goes to amk. but, I THOUGHT WE CAN CATCH BUS88, SO WE DIDNT. LUCKILY, there's still bus153. lucky man. or else, i cannot imagine walking back to hougang. i will die man. stopped at srjc. walked home. quite tired aft walking cos woke up early in the morning to go to work. haha or mayb, i was lazy! haha. talked on our way home. i jus love these nights, when we talk and walk home. where only, there was u and me. no one else. lil cars too. night was quiet. love it. haha tink i going to miss the bus everytime now. haha! went home, supposed to call sam but i fell aslp. guess was too tired. ZZZZ..
SUN.
got woke up by my mum's call. told me that she went to bring baby xav see doc. i thought he was ill. but no, got serious baby rash. poor thing. i miss him so much la. i like nv see him for 2 days. not nv see him, is play wif him. hmm.. miss that kid. anyway, woke up. watched some youtube.introduce fatherxav to this wideo. russell peters. haha funny guy la he. knew him through cala and bel. fatherxav laughed so hard, its been a while since i saw him laugh until like this. guess russell peters was good. went out. had a fight. idiotic fatherxav showed me attitude. asked him wad was his prob. he said nothing. aft awhile, cannot take his attitude, i told him. you want to fight izzit? ok. den i walked away. fatherxav pulled me back. so embrassing la. so many people there. but we didnt make it like very obvious. i think other might think we dont even know each other. HAHA. ok, we patch up alr.but i still show him abit of attitude, but aft a while. we are fine. :) see i so nice, i forgave him. haha!! tink he will get angry if he sees this. walked around amk hub. went to find sylvia at CHECK. told her i quit. she asked me why. told her sch starting and she said 'and u also cannot take it abt xiao qing rite?' haha. got this new girl. i guess this is all god's will. i SO SO SO much wanted to work at amk CHECK. but they post me to the heeren one. i heard from slyvia got this girl who joined around same time as me, she managed to get posted to amk. i like.. WAD THE HELL?!?! and this new girl i saw today, she joined 2wks ago, and she got posted to amk. ?!?!?!?!?!?!@$#%#$$@@?!?! came home. i ran home. haha cos i scare babyxav wan to slp alr. was wishing that babyxav haven slp. AND HE DIDNT! tink he dun recognise me anymore. played wif him for awhile den my mum said let him slp. idiot. nvm, i can always play wif him tmr. now im DAMN FREE... :)

OH YEA, I TINK IM GOIN TO CUT MY HAIR SHORT TMR. AS IN, REAL SHORT. :D PLS PLS PLS, LET IT BE NICE..

today haha i tell u. damn funny. went to tp to find fatherxav. he took half day leave after i told him i had a bad day at work on mon. felt so bad i lied to everyone that i went to work, especially mummy. nvm nvm.. nxt week onwards.. i will go. YEA I HOPE SO! mon sucks. was SO BLUR! lazy to say.. CANDICE! MUS LEARN FRM UR MISTAKES! STRIVE TO BE BETTER! OKOK?? oh yea was talking abt today. babyxav and anna sent me to the busstop.. half way i forog tmy specs.. so we went up.. den later came down, reached the busstop.. got stomache.. went up again..finally.. went to the busstop... babyxav was so cute.. he kept turning his head.. like he nv see cars b4.. but it was so cute la..he look at him until i almost miss the bus. lucky.. due to my fast reflex.. i faster flag for the bus..
i tell you one joke.
robin wanted to slp.. but i kept disturbin him.. i sang the 'wake up' song(opera version) den i kept shaking him. then he turned and tell me, 'stop talking crap'.. den i was like ' no, im not. the crabs are all in the sea' haha.. k la.. not funny i know. i tink funny can? went to bishan to watch resident evil.. ok la.. not say very good.. not say very bad.. average.. haiyo.. all the sudden.. my urge to blog is gone.. hmm.. shall stop here..got to wrk at clinic tmr.. nites nites!!!!!!

PS: IM ANGRY. I HAVEN GET MY PAY. I BET TT BITCH TOOK MY PAY AWAY. IDIOT. I NEED THE MONEY! MY FONE OFFICALLY SPOILED. I NEED TO GET A NEW ONE. SEE, IM FATED TO GET A NEW FONE. HAHA! :D:D

yst nite. baby xav almost killed me. he woke up at midnite to play. fed him medicine, he spit out. omg. so difficult this baby. he continued playing. i wanted to give him drink the whole bottle of medicine so he will feel. haha so evil me. but the medicine took effect and he fell aslp not long. after that, he woke up at 4am again!! argh.. i fed him milk.. and finally tuck him to slp. thank god. i can slp again. woke up at 10.30. daddy called. told me to take a bus by myself. i was like, 'HUH?!?!?' but daddy was nice. he sent me to work in the end. thanks daddy. work was fine. customer was fine. but i need to improve improve!!! i need to find things faster and be more professional! the whole day joanne was telling me, 'FASTER FASTER'. but lucky, i can find the stock. haha i smtimes anyhow anyhow tell customer its new arrivals. but most of it i got it right k. haha. nvm nvm, i go work more often den i will familiarise myself. HOPE SO! haha. after work. went to have dinner wif daddy. bought me to eat curry rice. he bluff me again. he said it was nice, but it wasnt. but i dun blame him. so today smth wrong wif the rice. but the side dishes was fine. nonetheless, company was great. i love having supper wif daddy. today dunno why. father xav so nice. come to hougang. hmm... anyway, he got eye infection ( i wonder wad he saw) anyway. yup he will be goin to chalet. alrights shall stop here. father xa is looking at wad im writing. alrights bye!

even though we had a fast outing.(i dont know why we even meet for such a short time) WE HAD FUN!! we are gonna get the same watch!!! yup yup, bel must be tinking.. eh dont anyhow spend.. eh but now, i m really thrifty. i dont spend unneccesary REALLY! i work SO SO SO stand until i can go commit sucide (haha its not that bad) can i at least pamper myself?? prettyPLEASE??hmm.. tink when i get my pay. i going to budget. im going to spend less than.. erm.. 200bucks for myself? the rest. i shall decide how to spend it on my mum and baby xav! SEE.. i do 'family' planning. haha.. alrights.. tink i addicted to this detective game. wad wif me and finding clues? haha i shall be sherlock holmes. i love him! he so smart! i shall be, candice sherlocky holmes teo. wow.. damn long but nice.. HAHA!

OH YEA. bus ride home wif father xav was nice. we talked bullshit. haha and he said i talked rubbish! HELLO!!!?!?!? anyway, parted and took the rest of the journey home alone. called bing cos i promise to do so.. had fun talking.. talked smmore bullshit.. haha.. and i reached home.. and shited...

THE END.

thanks for those who read my blog. thank you for letting me know, there are people like u who cares abt me. you are the motivators in my life. thank u so. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

i dread goin to work, EVEN MORE NOW... today hypocrite called me childish all..she said i talked like a kid. seriously, like i will notcie how i talk when i talk?!?! USE UR BRAIN LA!! anyway, she not the only one. alot of my friends also tells me that. eh guys. u tink i like it ar? den i told her i cannot help it, den she told me. u can choose to not to?!?! like WAD THE HELL YOU TALKING!! SHUT UP!! haha thats how pissed im. i hate pple to comment abt my voice. why cant smone jus appreciate it? haha wad shit all.. wad appreciate all.. when i sing 'BEAUTY WORLD.. CHA CHA CHA' she was like.. u like small kid leh.. SHUT UP U FAT BITCH! er... actuallly i cant call her that... cos im fat too.. haha.. den later, i was like.. oh! i know why xiao qing can become manager.. cos she serve customer, she can sell tthree things at one go. den she was like.. u really very childish leh! LIKE HELLO!!?!?!?!? WHEN U IN FRONT OF XIAO QING U ACT SO STRUCK UP ALL!! TALK ABT URSELF MAN.. and i felt SO SO SO GUILTY! cos i only sold one thing. haha how pathetic. i tink im really not cut out for sales. haha. but hypocrite told me, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. which is true. cant believe, i actually liked her once. haha.. but tt time she was quite nice to me.. she walked wif me until the mrt. but now i guessed.. she tinks im a nuisance. i also tink so.. i seriously dun blame her calling me childish.. but seriously! i tink so too! GROW UP CANDICE! GROW UP!! haha.. i guess smtimes, i talk too much. told babi abt hate goin to work cos of people. and he told me, in life, everywhere we go, we will meet people we dont like. dont tell me, u will keep changing jobs? haha true.. alrights.. tink i better tone down at work tmr.. n i need to learn how to grow up! GROW UP CANDICE! GROW UP! god, make me learn how to grow up. pls? amen.

gish. why m i so sensitive! argh! i hate myself being that. i should learn how to take things in my stride. (izzit correct?!?!) pls dont laugh. CORRECT ME!!! alrights. shall just throw away all the comments i dislike! THROW THROW THROW!

I REALLY HATE MY JOB. HAHA.. ACTUALLY.. I HATE ALL MY JOBS. I STILL LOVE STUDYING.. IF ONLY WE GET PAID FOR STUDYING. HAHA.. first starbucks, now check. hahaha. when will i find my dream job?? i guess im too chicken. once got pple not nice i wan to quit. I CANNOT BE A CHICKEN! I WILL NOT QUIT!I WILL NOT LET EVIL KILL ME! wheeeee...

dear santa, if i promise to be a good girl.. will u bless me? will u grant my wishes? pls santa.

i tink i have spilt personality. one is the normal kind of average girl, and another is the expensive, materialistic kind. and i hate the materialistic kind. i have many wants. more than needs. i will spend my hard-earned money on my wants more than my needs. and i hate that. if only i can follow chia keng. he once told me, wad for u wan an ipod when a normal mp3 can satisfy ur wants? meaningful huh.. i feel that its true. wad for i wan a new fone that costs hundreds, when i can get a fone that works? haha said is easier than done. haha. but cannot cannot! i tink my mentality is TOO WEAK! seriously. i need to train my brain power. i saw this addidas watch! its damn nice la!!!! COOL COOL!!!!!! i GONNA GET IT!!!!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!.. hahha.. wad bullshit all.. train my stupid brain power. haha see, told u. said is easier than done. :P

thanks babe for cheering me up. yeah, now we have smth in common. love u. love ur silliness. love ur everytin. HUGS...

YEAH! its children's day! i shall buy a new toy for baby later! but, he's not exactly a child. hmm, alrights i shall just spend the day playing with him instead of doing my own stuff!
:D:D:D:D:D:D
once again,
I HATE WORK! I HATE BITCH, DISLIKE HYPOCRITE AND ERM, NOBODY ALR. BUT I LIKE MS NICE. SHE'S NICE. :D
haha childish me. so old alr still hate hate.
but wad to do?
im young at heart. haha SELF PRAISE!

i feeling this strange and sad feeling in my heart. its like, im missing out in life. in the past, i used to ball, hang out wif avis, vana, tpcc pple and sambel. nw, everytins feels.. so wrong. i still hang around wif sambel (not that often as before), but i dont contact vana and avis anymore. i dont ball anymore. worse, i dont live in tp anymore. and i miss living there. but cannot help it. cos of probs. i hate money. if only, everytin in this world does not require money. hmm i wonder wad will the world be like. i miss my past. i miss my freedom. i miss everytin i do in the past. i realised im wrong and foolish. even though im a mother now, i realised, im not matured enough. aft tt day when i avoided bing and konglong. i felt very guilty. i dont care if i avoided the rest. but not them. they are the ones they dote on me, especially bing. i also dont know why i will act like tt. i really dont know. i hate myself being tt. i really want to be like last time, able to approach them. i cant now, why? i guess, im too ashamed of myself. i was nv ashamed of xavier. i have being all this while, ashamed of myself. i feel so pathetic of myself. pple might tell me. why should i be ashamed of myself. true, why should i. but try to put urself in my shoes, even if im thick skinned. i will still be ashamed. even if in front of u i might act as if im proud of myself. but inside, im crying. cant wait to hide my face. i dont expect bing and konglong to take the first step in approaching me. even if they did. i will be ashamed to continue taking the second step. in the first place, i should be the one. i really wan to take the first step. i guess i dont have enough courage to take it. pls god, grant me the courage to take the first step. i hope they will forgive me for the times i avoided them. i really really dont know why i will act that way. if only they knew that. im sorry.
seeing others happy lives, i envy them. i really do. im not saying my life is bad now. infact. i tink my life is exciting. you know wad? xavier is starting to learn how to walk! its so happy to witness him growing up. and the next tin he will learn is to call " MUMMY". im anticipating for that moment. i tell you. i tink i will cry and inform the whole world. haha.
but still? i still feel empty inside. god, can you hear me? if you can, i hope you can give me back my friends. i miss them so much. can i have my old life back? pls...
actually. i dont blame god for taking them away.. its my fault. i know my bad habits. how do i put it. i will forget to contact them. its not cos i forget abt them. so much things is happening in my life. i just havent learn how to balance it. god hear my prayers. grant me the wisdom to plan my time properly. if i can do that, will my friends come back to me? for the time being, can my friends contact me first? cos im really forgetful. pls. hear my prayers, amen.
i dont know why. i keep having, erm... not exactly sucidal thoughts.. but thoughts of dying.these few nights, i keep asking god. why m i not dead? i kept thinking of ways to die. but i told god. i wan to die from slping. haha, until now.. im still alive. i guess god was slping when i was discussing wif him. shit. m i having depression? erm. i dont tink so right? cos if i have depression, i wont exactly know that im having right? haha. i guess its normal... cos everyone has thoughts of dying before. im not the only one. but i must say, im a coward. haha i dont even dare to slash my wrists. stupid me. so i guess i wont kill myself. haha.
i hate being a scorpio. i hate the characteristic of a scorpio. seriously. even now, sam n i will keep fighting cos im a scorpio. like STOP IT sam! stop it. i really have enough. jus bcos she a scorpio. mus you hate all?? even though she n i are scorpio, we have our good points right?why cant you see the good points?seriously. i bet if she likes you, you will be damn happy to accept her bad points. den if you can do that, why cant you do that to me. erm, dont be mistaken.. accept me as a good fren of cos. DUH!! god. pls, let me and sam be like last time, good friends we count on each other. i dont know if she count on me but i did.
sun was avis's bdae. i didnt celebrate wif her. vana and i wanted to have a steamboat dinner wif her. but in the end, we didnt. cos we were all busy. but i read from vana's blog, she celebrated wif vis wif jayne and her twin. abit jealous. but dont blame her. haha i blame myself. see, another irritating characteristic of a scorpio. haha. told you. like sam said. scorpio are bad. and im starting to agree wif her. wow.. im sure is a very negative person. haha wad to do? im a scorpio. kk tis scorpio tingy, its getting abit irritating. sorry vis, if you even sees this, i didnt celebrate yous EIGHTEEN bdae wif you. but im glad you had great company celebrating for you. instead of wasting time meeting me, you might as well spend it wif good use. hehe. anyway, miss you and love you alrights? when im less busy, haha i wonder when.. i will contact you again! will go out! if you even want to.. haha..
woah. i seriously a person who needs help. how can i be a good mother man if im like this. xavier deserves a better mother.
dear god, pls hear my prayers and bless xavier will have a good upbringing. i will do anything to get my old life back and xavier growing up healthly, let my dad's debt be all cleared and his gambling habits die off. let my family be reunited and let them be happy. let me have my friends back and i seek forgiveness from pple i have done wrong especially bing and konglong. god pls hear my prayers. i sincerely beg you. amen.
god, just let me die. peacefully.. amen.