worst day i ever had for 2008. found out something shocking. i found out that robin has been msging this girl. and she was the reason why we broke up previously. but it was nth. they were jus discussing abt game. but.. i dunno wad to say. i have been hurt once. and the scar is still there, of cos tis time the impact of finding out this wil be deeper. at first i was getting ready to slp. then all the sudden, i heard a voice in my head telling me to check robin's fone. and i did. and i found this. omg. freaky. i almost couldnt walk. my heart was so pained and hurted. even though it was midnight, i still went out. normally i will be too afraid to go out. cos robin hse there got alot of weird pple. but i dunno why. guessed was too hurt. i jus went out. downstairs, i saw this uncle. but i was so hurt and angry but i told myself, if he cm disturb me, i sure i will kick his balls. but the uncle didnt do anything. think he jus came back frm work. walk walk walk. walk to the gas station the cheers. cos i when i wanted to go out, robin's sis was outside. and i dun wan her to knw abt wad happened. so i had to lied to get out of the hse. and she asked me to buy smth for her. but was shocked to see her waiting at the entrance for me. i asked her why she was there, and she said robin's mum asked her to go cos she was worried abt me. hmm, so sweet. thanks auntie. images of robin and the girl kept flashing back into my head. i know its the past and i have to learn to let go. but seriously, the scar robin made, will always no matter wad, be there. actually, all this while, i have been thinking abt them. thinking abt wad robin's sister said to me. abt she found robin and the girl in the room. images of them holding hands and kissing is enough to make the scar in my heart deeper. had a talk wif robin. he asked for a chance to explain. but i really dont wan to hear him explain. who knows, he might lie to me again? who knows. wad hurts the most is that time when i know he went to find the girl and i asked him to come back. but he said he dont wan. i mean, omg. seriously, how will u feel? he aft he came back, he told me he wanted to break up. OMG. i can go kill myself. i tried. but i didnt die. foolish huh. luckily, at tt time there was spencer. i mean, im really grateful to him. without him there to console and all, i tink, i might have been dead by now. thank you, frm the bottom of my heart. but i doubt u will ever see this. few mth aft robin and i got back, everytin was sweet. robin was really attentive to me. i rem there was this night, he sit wif me in the living rm, jus to listen songs wif me. but aft a while, sweetness over. he start treating me like he did b4. always gaming. even when im angry, he doesnt pacify me. i hate spencer. i hate spencer for letting me go back to robin to suffer. i hate him. i kept asking myself why why why. wad have i done to deserve this. to deserve a bf who isnt caring towards me. i mean, seriously, the basic concern isnt there. and he's a very lazy bf. i asked him to send me home, he always refuses. saying its far. hello? i have friends who live in jurong and their bf live in another planet. but still? the bf still send them hm. i mean, why i dont have this privilege? u see. even i call this a privilege. to other pple, this is called neccessary. it is a must that bf shld send their gf home. my colleague once asked me, does ur bf send u home? i said no. and she said huh. wad if smth happen to u? who's fault? even if ur bf realise it's his fault, it will be too late. cos smth alr happen to u. this was when it made me think. these 4 yrs, i always so nice to him. i let him off. i dont mind if he doesnt do this or that. even for our anniversary. we dont do big celebration and we dont give each other gifts. this is how sucky our relationship is. these 4yrs. the amount of tears i cried for him is able to feed all the people in africa and stil able to feed them for another period of time. this was how much i cried for him. i tried letting go. but it hurts. alot. and now, i even more cannot let go, cos of xav. i know how it feels to have a broken family. cos now mine family is one. when i see my aunties and uncles, i envy them alot. especially my second aunt. my uncle still surprises her wif stuff even though they are married for many years. they are still so loving. hmm..
after that i went to meet bel and monkey at novena starbucks. cala came late. poor girl. she also fought wif her bf. i mean, WADS WRONG WIF THE GUYS NOW? envy bel. its like she have found her pot of gold. i see her so blissfully in love. im really happy for her. haha. i glad she gave this relationship a try. at least her bf is a gentlemen. frm wad i heard. studied a while. and then when cala came, my momentum all gone. half way studying. i thought abt robin and her again. b4 i left the hse, we kind of had a fight. cos i didnt want to tell him why im was so unhappy. but i msged him, telling him exactly how i feel. he didnt reply. at ard 8pm, he msged him asking me wad time i will be back. hmm, typical him.
back in hougang. i cannot resist. so i trash things out wif him. i asked him why tt time he betrayed me all. why he broke up. wad he did in the room wif her. he broke up wif me is cos he felt guilty. he was guilty that he was two timing me. he was together wif her for a while, even when we are together. but he said he was playing. he said he was watching dvds in the room. he sat on the floor. and her, sat on the bed. they werent even hugging. i asked why he dont want to come back. but i forgot his ans. i guess he said he jus didnt wan cos he dont know how to face me? i cannot rem. anyway, aft i let him explain, i told him. it not even fun to not take a relationship seriously. i mean, not only u hurt me, u also hurt her. cos if u dun like her, why do u even go wif her? i mean, she liked u, and u do this to her. and i told him why did we have to break up? why cant he jus do amendments? was break up neccessary? hmm, and finally i said.

lets start all over again. and he stretched out his hand and said, 'hi im robin.'
omg. idiot. :)