Neon.

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Hello, my name is CANDICETEO. My ~~friends~~ fans call me either tjh or teojiahui. But you can call me whichever that is preferable by you. I am currently 19 years this year. I am a female but could be judged as a male by you (whattheheck, I don't care). I am a Chinese. Studying in Temasek polytechnic. Please do not find me as I could be a burden to you. I'm inlove with simbanlong♥. I'm a right-handed person and I like stoning as much as you do. My fans say that I look really adorable in any clothing and I like shades very much. but simbanlong says i look like bird with shades.
In short, im CANDICE.

Sunday, 13 July 2008 @ 1:07 am

SILLY ME.

sheena and i are officially not talking. its something that happened between us. dont wish to elaborate. hmm, its kind of sad. afterall, we were close one and i really hope we can be last time. this is the reason why i look her up in the first place. the day when we were to ikea, we brought a bangle. haha we were so foolish. we called it the friendship bangle, and we must wear it everyday. haha so kids ar. and and being me so childish, i really believed that she will wear it everyday. and i did. ok i didnt wear it almost everyday. but i will wear it like, 5 or 6days in a week? i dont know abt her. when i saw her on fri, she wasnt wearing. hmm. then babi is at a chalet with his friends. hmm, this is when i thought about my life. haha which, i ALWAYS do. i realised i was very foolish. for eg, the friendship bangle. i really treasure the bangle. and other things. like in my heart, i always treated her as someone very close and special to me. even though i didnt side with her during sam thing. but at that time, i really think that she went too far. but now thinking abt it, i guess she had her own difficulties. i dont wish to talk abt this anymore in case i spark off any more quarrels. i guess i was really shocked by what she said yst. haha i wanted to cry in the train. so decided to called agnes. haha, she wasnt very helpful. she was like, huh very sad leh. haha i was thinking, erm, thanks for pointing that out. but i guess i kind of deserve that cold treatment from sheena. hmm, i will get over it. like her, she told me to swallow everything down and breathe. then later agnes asked me why robin. i told her chalet. then she was like, and he didnt bring you go? haha i was like, erm thanks again. haha. she didnt mean to hurt me deliberately. in the past, i always have this thinking. once i confronted him and asked him why he didnt bring me to any of his friend's chalet or when he meet up with them, why he didnt bring me go. i guess, he was kind of ashamed of me. after all, im not say very pretty and to make matter worse, im dont have a good figure. even now if you asked me to meet some of my guy friends whom i haven meet up for a long time, i will feel embarrassed to meet them. recently, joel asked me out. i tell you, even though i rejected him many times, he still continue to ask me. haha but now, he stop alr. haha thank god. felt really bad to reject him so many times. as i was saying, robin didnt bring me out to meet up with friends. not long after i confronted him, his friend organised one chalet. but still, he didnt asked. i was like, why you didnt ask me to go. then he said, oh ok. so do you want to go? then i tried to act cool, i said dont want. and he said, ok. i was like, OMG OMG OMG. and i had to tell him this, why you never persuade me to go? then he did. hai. but in the end, i didnt go. think the chalet got cancelled or something. nw this chalet, he didnt ask me at all. hmm. seriously, im really tired of all this. i tired of asking him to do this and do that. i been doing that for 4yrs. i always tell him stop telling him what to do. but you know its like, its very irritating! if you dont let him know, he will hurt you. but if you tel him, he will think you are nagging. even though babi had hurt me many times, but i still falling deeper and deeper into love pit. omg. sucks man.

bottomline: im silly to treasure people who dont treasure you.

one thing i dont understand. why do my life sucks this much. i know i very bitchy. but there's other people out there who is ten times bitcher! and their life is better than mine. omg.

seriously, why?

Thursday, 10 July 2008 @ 8:16 am

haha im so EARLY in sch! omg omg. haha i tell you why. cos i want to charge my mac and my phone in sch. haha cheapo right? haha no ok! IM MAKING FULL USE OF MY SCH FACILITIES. haha. now i understand why people willsay online shopping is ADICTIVE. haha i was online shopping until 1? now im so tired. zzz. even NOW, im online shopping. but one thing i really hate about online shopping is DONT HAVE MY SIZE! my friends say sure have one. yea have, but it's 0.99999% chances that will have. haha. so happy waiting! yst my impulse-ness almost got over me. i almost bought this dress online. LUCKILY, i showed it to my cousin. she brought my senses back by saying its ugly. but actually, the model wore it then looks very nice. haha bt i forgot to pic myself in that dress. SURE LOOK HORRENDOUS! okok. i hope by the time its my nxt class, at least my phone will be CHARGED finish. :) haha see im so filial. i help my mother make full use of her money that she use to pay my sch fees and i help her save her pub bills. :):)

Monday, 7 July 2008 @ 10:39 pm

regrets. im full of regrets now.

:(:(:(

12:52 am

I GOT BACK MY MAC I GOT BACK MY MAC I GOT BACK MY MAC! WHOOOOOO! hehe the feeling of getting back my mac FEELS SO GOOD. but parting with my money. :(:(:(:(:( hmm, what to do. when something good happens, you have to exchange it with something else. but anyway, I GOT BACK MY MAC I GOT BACK MY MAC I GOT BACK MY MAC!

SAT.

went to ndp rehearsal. no offense, the performance was bad. mayb i wasnt artistic enough, but i really didnt get what the performance was performing. like half way the show, got people starting to leave alr. BUT. i must say the performance of the 'black knights' was good. bel was wearing a dress. haha first time see her wear dress. other than when its christmas, den she will wear abit more decent. haha love does change someone. good for her. hope her ferocious temper will be dead too! xav was being a nuisance. he was banging the lady in front of him. until she got pissed off. babi was being patient, didnt really shout at xav BUT thats becos bel and her bf was there. :) erm, thats what he told me. aft that, went home. almost died.

Tuesday, 1 July 2008 @ 1:26 am

WHAT! an emotional post.
last week and this week was SO SO SO busy for me. omg omg. hehe, finally, im back in tpy. but actually, i dont really like to be back. i mean yea i would LOVE to come back. but there are erm, too many happy and sad memories. and for those who know, yup im escaping from kong long and the whole basketball team. its kind of sad, because afterall, we did shared beautiful moments. hmm. but i dun know why. i jus feel very ashamed abt what happened to me. ashamed of myself, not xav. there is this barrier in me that i cannot cross over. i tried to go and find them and talk, but no matter how hard i pushed myself, i cannot do it. for vana and avis all, they may think im coward. hmm. mayb im really am. haha alrights alrights. enough of all this neg thoughts.
exams results was erm, disappointing as usual. i still dont know why. i tried my best to do well. but out of 5 subs, i still failed two. hmm. according to MR ZHANG. its ok. its term test only. haha. i like him.
sch is alright. but i find that nowadays, i have become more dao. no seriously. im not the old candice who takes the initiative to wave 'hello' to someone. i will wait for the person to approach me. if the person doesnt say hi or what, i will just ignore him. i dont know why im like that. other people might think im trying to act cool or what. but in actual fact, i myself also dont know what's happening to me. i thinking im slowly becoming an introvet. haha good la. i guessed everyone i mixed with all think im irritating. haha they should be happy that im er, how to say it. more tame? haha whatever la. screw the world. haha oh yea. i have the heck care attitude now. omg. i hate myself. i mean, in the past, i tried so hard to win my friends back. but in the end, it always fails. one good example will be sheena. i think if sam sees this, she is so kill me. i contact her so many times, hoping that we will be like old schools days. we might not be close. but at least, we will find each other. but now, even a msg also NO. haha. recently, i went to find her. we had fun. we also brought this identical bracelet. i think we are identical in some way. haha dont ask me why, i just have this feeling that we are identical in some ways. she might not think so. anyway, aft that meetup, everytin went back to square one. i mean, its really tiring. my relationship with robin is something like that. jus that things are getting better. i just im really tired from all this.
however i feel the most guilty towards bel. we were like best friends. haha that's what i think. but it seems that i did nth to try to make our friendship closer. seriously, im so so so afraid to lose her. she is the one, always there. no seriously. back in school, she was like my boss. whenever i mouth itchy, want to bitch, haha she will be there. hah i think she herself also want to bitch la. we were like kids man. but now all grown up, got our own life. the kids in us are gone. the reason why i feel guilty towards her is cos, honestly, i think i always take her for granted. for sam, if we fight, i will get very affected. not trying to say that when bel and i fight, i will not get affected. i will always contact sam first. i think its very unfair to her. but deep down, if one day we do not become friends or lose contact, i think i will cry for years. even though i dont show it through actions, but i really really treasure her alot. i hope she will know that. sorry. im really really afraid that i will lose sheena, sam and bel. i miss the times when we will hang out at sam's place. haha and sheena will always be the stupid one. i mean STUPID AND SLOW. but now, we cant, cos i have xav. and its abit diff. others might not see why its is so diff. TRY HAVING YOUR OWN BABY, and then you will understand. i hope sam and sheena matter will work out soon. but i doubt it will. i miss the past. i miss everything. i miss the good and bad. espeically, CONFERENCING. :( omg. why did school have to be five yrs only. but i believe in fate, if we are meant to be friends, no matter what, we will become close friends, again. god, why is it so hard to grant my one SIMPLE wish?

hmm. packing things, does make you very emotional.

ps. bel, im sorry. :(

tis' the way