WHAT! an emotional post.
last week and this week was SO SO SO busy for me. omg omg. hehe, finally, im back in tpy. but actually, i dont really like to be back. i mean yea i would LOVE to come back. but there are erm, too many happy and sad memories. and for those who know, yup im escaping from kong long and the whole basketball team. its kind of sad, because afterall, we did shared beautiful moments. hmm. but i dun know why. i jus feel very ashamed abt what happened to me. ashamed of myself, not xav. there is this barrier in me that i cannot cross over. i tried to go and find them and talk, but no matter how hard i pushed myself, i cannot do it. for vana and avis all, they may think im coward. hmm. mayb im really am. haha alrights alrights. enough of all this neg thoughts.
exams results was erm, disappointing as usual. i still dont know why. i tried my best to do well. but out of 5 subs, i still failed two. hmm. according to MR ZHANG. its ok. its term test only. haha. i like him.
sch is alright. but i find that nowadays, i have become more dao. no seriously. im not the old candice who takes the initiative to wave 'hello' to someone. i will wait for the person to approach me. if the person doesnt say hi or what, i will just ignore him. i dont know why im like that. other people might think im trying to act cool or what. but in actual fact, i myself also dont know what's happening to me. i thinking im slowly becoming an introvet. haha good la. i guessed everyone i mixed with all think im irritating. haha they should be happy that im er, how to say it. more tame? haha whatever la. screw the world. haha oh yea. i have the heck care attitude now. omg. i hate myself. i mean, in the past, i tried so hard to win my friends back. but in the end, it always fails. one good example will be sheena. i think if sam sees this, she is so kill me. i contact her so many times, hoping that we will be like old schools days. we might not be close. but at least, we will find each other. but now, even a msg also NO. haha. recently, i went to find her. we had fun. we also brought this identical bracelet. i think we are identical in some way. haha dont ask me why, i just have this feeling that we are identical in some ways. she might not think so. anyway, aft that meetup, everytin went back to square one. i mean, its really tiring. my relationship with robin is something like that. jus that things are getting better. i just im really tired from all this.
however i feel the most guilty towards bel. we were like best friends. haha that's what i think. but it seems that i did nth to try to make our friendship closer. seriously, im so so so afraid to lose her. she is the one, always there. no seriously. back in school, she was like my boss. whenever i mouth itchy, want to bitch, haha she will be there. hah i think she herself also want to bitch la. we were like kids man. but now all grown up, got our own life. the kids in us are gone. the reason why i feel guilty towards her is cos, honestly, i think i always take her for granted. for sam, if we fight, i will get very affected. not trying to say that when bel and i fight, i will not get affected. i will always contact sam first. i think its very unfair to her. but deep down, if one day we do not become friends or lose contact, i think i will cry for years. even though i dont show it through actions, but i really really treasure her alot. i hope she will know that. sorry. im really really afraid that i will lose sheena, sam and bel. i miss the times when we will hang out at sam's place. haha and sheena will always be the stupid one. i mean STUPID AND SLOW. but now, we cant, cos i have xav. and its abit diff. others might not see why its is so diff. TRY HAVING YOUR OWN BABY, and then you will understand. i hope sam and sheena matter will work out soon. but i doubt it will. i miss the past. i miss everything. i miss the good and bad. espeically, CONFERENCING. :( omg. why did school have to be five yrs only. but i believe in fate, if we are meant to be friends, no matter what, we will become close friends, again. god, why is it so hard to grant my one SIMPLE wish?

hmm. packing things, does make you very emotional.

ps. bel, im sorry. :(